Problems.

She was acting silly.
So silly.

Why would she even be going to someone she hired for her students? She paid for her own therapist, why not go to him? Oh, yeah... he said she should take medicine. She didn't want medicine, she wanted to be strong and get over this herself.

Oh she was nervous. For her this seemed so awkward, like going to someone she could fire at any moment. What if that kept this person from giving her advice? Secretly she hoped he wasn't like that. Taking a deep breath she walked down the hall that led to his office, one step at a time seeming to trigger different scenarios in her mind. She could end up bawling her eyes out, passing out, hyperventilating, ah... Cleo couldn't think of one good thing that would come out of this situation.

Dressed up in casual blue jeans and a loose-fitting blue long sleeved t-shirt, she carefully knocked on the wooden door. "Excuse me," she said quietly into the door "Do you have a moment?". It was almost like she was a kid again, going to some adult in hopes that they would fix one of her problems. Right at that moment she felt that she way maybe one inch tall.

Tobias had been daydreaming by the window, and chain smoking, when she entered. He had just finished putting the last of his books on the shelf and there was soreness in his lower back that called for a smoke (yet another excuse to not quit). His smile, a sheepish half smirk, greeted her before his words did. “Please,” he said offering her a seat on his red sofa with an open palm. He inhaled the last of his cigarette and snuffed the end out in the already over flowing ashtray. He went to his desk and shuffled for the little door sign that read ‘In Session’ in long curling letters and waited for her to sit before he advanced toward the door.

He had recognized her voice immediately, and he was sure with his thick Irish accent, she would know him even if it weren’t for the office and the title. Phone interviews were the worst for Tobias. He had a habit of talking to fast and reverting to slang whenever he was nervous, which made it difficult for others to understand. “Is everything alright?” he asked, studding her with pale blue eyes after he had uncovered the sign.

"Well...," she said stopping herself before she started to ramble. Cleo carefully took a seat on the couch, not relaxing the least bit. Everything about her screamed tense, from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. What if he said something while they were talking and she wouldn't be able to understand him because of his accent? It'd be rude to ask what he said, it had been hard enough to get everything he had said over the phone. Oh... this was terrible... terrible...

"Well, I..." she paused trying to find her words. "I'm not sure how to start..."

He smiled again, and strolled over to the door, sliding the sign on and shutting it with a click. “How about I start? Lets say that my accent is hard to understand half the time, it’ll loosen up sooner or later, but until then if you need me to repeat anything… you let me know.” Tobias had gone back to the window and opened it, letting the thick smell of tobacco slowly fan out of the room. Then he took his place in the armchair opposite the couch and lit another cigarette. He watched her quietly, letting blue smoke curl out of his nose and rise above him like a pale halo. “You know,” Tobias said at last, more smoke pouring out of his mouth, some of it still caught in the back of his throat. “It’s okay to not be okay…but it’s not okay to stay that way.”

Cleo stared at him in shock for a moment, had she hired a mind-reader? "Erm, ok," she said quietly. When he sat down and spoke, she stared at him half in horror and half in awe. "Well... I...," Cleo hesitated and frowned not sure what to say next. How do you tell a person that you have a mental health problem? How could she not tell him though? If she didn't tell him anything then he couldn't help her. "I have this... well, ever since I was kid I... No. You see I have trouble talking... no, I mean I can talk fine... with myself atleast..." all of this was said carefully and slowly. Her eyes then went quickly to Tobias, widening in horror. What if he was already bored with her? Did he understand what she was saying? Why on earth was she even rambling like this?

Slowly at every question in her mind, her protection started to peel away. Slowly but surely her breathing started to quicken. Oh, she should not have come...

Like any animal, Tobias could since fear and he worried that there was something about him, the scruffiness or the height, that made her more frightened than she had ought to be. He scratched at his sideburns thoughtfully. “We don’t have to start with the big issues, you know,” he half laughed. “What do you do for fun? What cools you down when you get anxious? What…turns you on? What turns you off?” he rolled his open hands in front of him, slowly as if sending her Ti Chi karma flows with each question.

He flicked the end of his cigarette and watched the ashes fall into the trey. With his free hand, Tobias played around with his shirt collar, he had buttoned all the way up to the top and was finding it uncomfortable, so he lid one white button out of it’s loop, and another. Finally relaxed in his clothing, he adjusted himself in his chair.

Cleo stared at him for a few minutes in silence. "I don't have many hobbies...," she said quietly. "I like to collect paintings," she looked slightly puzzled as she spoke, almost confused at her own words. "... The last time I had a relationship with a man was twelve years ago," at those words she seemed to go stiff again. "He couldn't deal with me saying that I devoted all my time to the school and instead of him," she said in a soft child-like almost whiny tone. This was what therapy was for wasn't it? Just spilling your problems out word after word until your mind couldn't think of anymore.

“Sometimes,” Tobias said, crossing his legs at the ankles. “Doing what’s best for you upsets the people around you. Sometimes it’s family and friends…the people you love…and sometimes it’s people you have to work with or those you don’t even like. But you can’t let others invade your boundaries.” Tobias knew what he was talking about. He was a recovering co-dependent. He needed to be needed, but he was learning on how to turn this need into something positive, thus the counseling. He lit another cigarette. “No ones perfect. I mean, I’m the poster child of mistakes…but how can anyone help someone else if they can’t help themselves?” He paused. “Can I get you a bottled water?”

Cleo stared at him curiously as he spoke and at his question, she nodded seeming to ease up a little bit. "Sure," she mumbled to him. Cleo briefly thought about what he had said. Sure, it made sense... but the problem was that her boundaries were extremely large. Her last boyfriend she had only went out with him for a year and they hadn't even had sex... no wonder he had left her...

Suddenly getting extremely nervous she clutched the arm of of the sofa in attempts to calm herself down. "I-I-I h-have a m-mental health p-problem," she suddenly blurted out as her heart seemed to speed up she spoke again "It's c-called s-s-s-s-s-s-social anxiety d-d-d-disorder." Oh, everything seemed to tumble down at that moment. Cleo lost control of her cool and started to wheeze.

Tobias had moved to the small refrigerator, disguised as a cabinet on the bottom of one of his bookshelves. He withdrew a bottle of water and a foul, 40g protein shake that took all his concentration to drink. He paused as the words spilled out of her, and then shut the door with his foot before returning to his seat. “Miss Kandless…everyone, and I truly mean everyone, has something wrong with them. Sometimes it’s just worse than others.” He passed her the bottle of water and uncapped his own. “For example, I’m a chain smoker because smoking curbs my appetite. It’s okay to have something wrong with you. It’s natural. I’m only here to help you make sure that what you do doesn’t harm yourself or others. I want you to understand that. If you don’t like crowds that’s fine, but don’t let that stop you from actually living.” He put his lips against the rim of his bottle…he hadn’t meant to lecture her, but he wanted to reassure her that it was all right to get comfortable and let loose.

"Oh dear god," Cleo breathed as she took the water quickly and drained it in under two minutes. The water had calmed her down, atleast for the moment. "It's not just crowds," she explained, her real self seeming to finally shine through "I promise you it's not just crowds." Putting the palm of her wrist to her forehead she pushed her head and held her breath for a minute or two and then let out a deep cleansing breath. "I-It's hard to explain...," she said carefully trying not to stutter to much. "You see... I-I started learning c-c-common courtesy on my fourteenth birthday...," she trailed off for a moment then sat up straight when she had realized what she had just said.

"I d-didn't know what thank you or I'm sorry meant, I didn't k-k-know when to u-use those w-words."

Tobias raised a thick brow and pressed the burning cigarette butt against his lips. He had learned from an early age to say please and thank you or else got whooped with a belt or a switch. Tobias screwed the cap back on his bottle. He still hadn’t taken a drink from his own bottle yet. He was mustering up the courage to throw it down the hatch. Something was stopping him besides the awful taste. He had an idea that the thick gritty shake would make him vomit and that’s something he didn’t want to do in front of his boss. The things people put themselves through for ‘health reasons’ was beyond him, yet here he was trying to find quick means to putting on the pounds. “You want to talk about that?”

"Umm...," Cleo paused and took a few deep breaths through her nostrils. Staring at Tobias her face scrunched up as if she were trying to remember something. Holding the palm of her wrist to her forehead again, her she frowned looking completely puzzled. "It's hard to remember...," she mumbled closing her eyes tightly. What was it she was forgetting? "Joseph!" she suddenly yelled opening her eyes in amazement and snapping her fingers. "My father's name, that's who he was...," suddenly becoming sober again her face went back to looking stressed. "He... he got me away from her when I was old enough to understand."

“Her?” Tobias said raising a thick eyebrow. He picked up a pen and quickly jotted down ‘Joseph’ on a white tablet, which was sitting on a little table beside his chair. He assumed that ‘her’ would be Cleo’s mother, but Tobias didn’t like making guesses. He had flinched at the sudden change in her, but hoped it went unnoticed. “Do you often have trouble remembering people that played important roles in your life?”

Ooc: Yuck. Sorry for the shortness.

(ooc; don't worry about it. xD)


At both his questions, she took a moment to respond. "I guess you could say she brought me into the world...," Cleo didn't dare say mother. The word just sounded too wrong when talking about such a person. At his second question her frown deepened and she shook her head, "It's always been hard to remember back then...," she explained still with a puzzled look in her eyes. The reason was simply that she had spent so many years supressing memories, they just refused to come back now. Atleast sometimes...

"I... uh..."
She paused as suddenly her vision seemed to cloud up.




Twenty-two years ago...

"Cleopatra, baby... how are you?"
"I'm tired..."
"Don't worry baby, Daddy will help you."
"Why not now?"
"Because Mommy is home now."

Suddenly the little child tensed up in fear. "I don't want to see her! Daddy I don't want her anymore, mommy's scary please make her go away," she started to sob.

"Shhh shhh, honey! Don't make too much noise, I have to go I love you."

The door that had been opened only an inch had shut, and there she was alone again. Alone in the same room forever. The walls were decorated in white and black, and there she was chained to bed like she was last night and the night before... over and over again... no freedom... just this room...

"Cleopatra, darling mommy is here," suddenly a woman walked into the room and the air seemed to reek of hatred. As the woman spotted how wet her cheeks were, a disgusted look came upon her face. "Why are you crying?!" she then said looking down at the child with confused anger. "Why would you have any reason to cry?" the woman suddenly bent down and shook the child violently. "You have no reason to cry so don't ever do it again! Do you hear me?"

Like a little glass doll, the child's face suddenly went blank. "Yes... mother..."




Cleo blinked a few times, "It's just hard to remember...," she said again .