A Renewed Look.

Life has been kinda suckish and kinda amazing me for the past few days.

I found Kenric. Yeah, the one guy I've ever considered an actual boyfriend from years ago in high school. We had our obvious differences even before we started dating. He was a vampire, cold and cut-off from everyone else. I can barely remember why we met, but I remember at one dance he almost bit me. I hugged him and he stopped himself. That was really the night we told each other how we felt and started dating.

My parents did not agree with our relationship but I fought long and hard for him until my parents took me out of that school. I lost touch with him and I doubted I'd ever see him again. I thought no other guy would compare to him, but, as I look on it now, I realize I just had that small hope that I'd find him again and we'd be together forever.

When I finally found him, it felt like everything had been rekindled. We went on a date and even ended up in my apartment. He almost slept with me, but he wouldn't trust himself enough to. I let him sleep over, though. It was better than just kicking him out.

The next morning, when I told him one of us may have to change for us to be together, he said no and would not listen to me. I threw a bit of a tantrum and accidently cut myself. The vampire part of him took over and he almost killed me. I had to punch him and use my power to get him off and away.

Once I found him after that, he said it would be best for us to just stop talking altogether, to not keep in touch and to just end it. Just like that. I did not think I would get over it so soon, but I found that instead of being sad, I just grew angry. All of the opportunities I wasted just waiting for him, and for what? Nothing.

I met a very nice woman named Caroline at a cafe. Turns out she's Emilio's sister. We talked and decided we needed to go out. There's a festival going on in a few nights and Emilio is coming with us. I really do like him. He's the only guy I've ever dated who could dance, who bought me flowers, who took me somewhere perfect and showed me something I don't think I will ever forget. He is extremely nice and drives me crazy when we dance. Kenric never made me feel like that. He never trusted himself to.

I want to go somewhere. I want to travel the world, to see everything there is to be seen. I just hope I have a long enough life to fulfill that.

Amorina.
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The first night of the festival had ended.

It was worth going. I was still afraid that I would see Kenric there, but I was more afraid that I would spend the night worrying about the awkward situation between Emilio and myself. This would all have been a lot easier if Kenric had never come back into my life. Emilio is amazing, and he knows how to really treat women. So far, he's yet to take advantage of me, and I doubt he'd almost kill me and them run away. It would be typical, for a man to run away from his worries. Oh well. To Hell with Kenric. Who needs him?

My feet hurt. Emilio and I danced for a while; he could put Clara to shame with that dancing of his. It was the best feeling in the world; the freedom of it, the way I could just forget everything, the way he looked at me, the way everyone else watched us in awe. It made me feel amazing because I knew they had to watch us together in envy, our eyes locked only on each other. If I doubted his interest in me before, tonight dashed those fears.

He kissed me. It was possibly the best kiss of my life, to be honest. Kenric never really trusted himself to really kiss me, to be truly intimate with me. Of the many things I'm grateful for, I'm extremely grateful I won't have to deal with that problem. It made my life Hell to try and conceal it all the time. Do you know how hard that is?!

Thank God for Emilio and Caroline. She's probably the only friend I have around my age that I can actually talk to about stuff like this. She's been here, done that, been through it all and back. I feel bad for her because she doesn't deserve half of what she's been through. She's really nice and fun to be around. She's going to help me with my costume contest.

Oh, speaking of contests, I think I'm with Emilio in a dancing contest. I'll have to get Clara to help me out a little tomorrow before. I'd love to tango, or something. I'm surprised we didn't tonight; I'm kind of disappointed that we didn't either. Maybe we will tomorrow. I'll really need Clara's help then. I'm not even sure what I'll wear...

All I can say is that tonight was amazing and I hope the next two nights will be as well.


Amorina.

Ps. Emilio kissed "The Spots." Damn.

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Wow. My life has turned to shit since my last entry.

It's been a few good months. Well, to put everything out there, Kenric almost killed me, Kenric almost raped me, Kenric had no control over himself at all and then he left me. Then, the last night of the fair, he got in a fight with Emilio. I..well, I made Kenric human. I didn't want him having some advantage over Emilio, and so I kind of let Emilio kick Kenric's ass. It was a mess.

I haven't been able to sleep, I haven't been able to function properly since the whole episode. In fact, for a long while I went back home and visited my family. I couldn't be here. Everything reminded me of him, and I couldn't sleep here. Dad put me on some kind of meds and, once I got back, I prescribed some to myself. I know that probably isn't a good thing, but I need something to sleep, something to eat, something to help me go. Something for the depression.

Clara has tried to help, but she can't. I don't think anyone can... I tried talking to Toby but, you know him. He never seems to care anymore. I tried to open up, but he just made everything about him again... Fuck.

I haven't even tried talking to Emilio or Caroline... I think I'm embarrassed by the whole thing. I should be stronger than this, and I'm not. This just took me by surprise, and the fear I got after the whole Kenric thing... It was too much. I hate thinking about it. Everytime I sleep, I can see his eyes, his fangs, the way he looked at me. I wasn't his lover, I was just... Food. Nightmares of what could have happened keep me up all the time.

I miss everyone. I miss Caroline, I miss Clara, I miss Toby.

I miss Emilio. I should have told them all I was leaving... I just couldn't even think...

Hmph.