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Absurdist Fantasies
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2008 19:00:54 GMT -5
Tobias watched her deflate, not knowing what to say or knowing how to say it. “Hey…no. Don’t, don’t cry alright?” He pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight until all the wetness transferred from her clothing back onto his. He withdrew from her and shoved his hands into his pockets. He couldn’t look at her. “I know I’ve been distant. I know I slid backwards on the self-improvement front. I’m a jacked up unit, and I really don’t know how else to be.”
He paused; the cool rain air washed over him, and reminded him briefly of the type of air you could only experience if you lived on an island. The heavy smell of grass and mud and water filled his lungs. “It’s just…you can’t run away from your past. You’ve got to take it in stride. You don’t have to let it define you, but you need to learn from it.” He smiled thinking of her slip about falling in love with him. “Besides,” Tobias added with a smirk. “I’m not going to have a row with you. I’m more behaved than that now.” He winked.
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Post by Tempest on Jun 11, 2008 19:29:52 GMT -5
Despite secretly enjoying the feeling of his arms around her once more, Caroline couldn't help but give a sarcastic chuckle to all of this. A contemptuous look came to her features and she turned away from him and looked around. Soon, what she was doing became clear.
"Good afternoon, Class. Today we're learning from our pasts. Now, can anyone tell me what you're supposed to learn from a terrifying encounter from a madman who reappeared in your life after you had begun to get it together?"
She laughed and clapped her hands together. "Very good! We take it in stride! Since it's obviously due to a mistake we made, we have to change so it will never happen again. We're going to blame ourselves for the entire incident and learn to avoid leading normal lives from now on! Oh wait..." Her face returned to perfect seriousness as she turned back to Tobias. "That wouldn't work, either."
Slowly, but in one smooth movement, she drew up one of her sleeves. "Delineation occurs naturally. You and I are the products of our experiences, Tobias. Everyone is. You have your flaws, your habits, and I have mine."
Caroline took another step back. "I could never remain mad at you for long. Even now, I can barely resist your smile. However, I'm afraid that without anger, all I can feel about you and I is a bittersweet and pitiful sense of bereftment ."
Her tone got steely all of the sudden. "Don't do that to me, Tobias. I think my life is complicated enough without you dangling glorious hope just beyond my sinning fingertips. What have I done to deserve Tantalus's fate? Our chapter closed already and it's still too soon to pretend that we're on solid ground."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2008 11:33:29 GMT -5
Tobias shook his head, sighed and rolled his eyes away from her. “You are so melodramatic. You always have been, you realize that?” His blood was pulsing, and he could feel the moon’s power pushing down on him. Nothing remained of the storm, except for the wild smell of wet grass and a sticky humidness in the air. He huffed, rubbing his temples and the space between his eyes. “We always have this conversation. Blah blah f*cking blah Caroline!”
His muscles tensed, and he had the desire to go and find a helpless woodland thing and snap it’s neck. Tobias set his jaw. His eyes turned feral, and stayed that way. “You think you’re the only one who’s suffered? What makes you the queen of everything tragic Caroline? Okay so I don’t have a flowery pattern of scars, but I have scars. Be thankful you can remember yesterday.” He turned away from her then, lit another cigarette and slowly headed back toward the school. He hadn’t shouted, not once. He should have been proud of that change in him, but all he could think about was the widening fissure between him and Caroline. He stopped and tilted his head toward her, even though he didn’t bother to turn back around. “Why do you always have to push people away who want to help you?”
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Post by Tempest on Jun 13, 2008 12:25:09 GMT -5
Caroline's eyes widened. She opened her mouth, perhaps to say something angry, but clamped it shut. Words had failed her. This had not happened for a very long time.
She'd forgotten about the recent full moon until seeing Tobias's eyes change. Caroline had seen this before, but she wasn't scared. Why should she be? She'd seen him in his full-wolf form before.
For a moment, she seemed to come up with something, and held up her finger accusingly. But she only ended up dropping it and walking in the opposite direction. She wanted to cry, but not in front of Tobias.
He was true, to a point, and it rankled her. He had no right- pointing out such things to her. He didn't understand- couldn't understand. While he was on his little soul-search trip abroad, she'd lost her mind to suspicion and fear. He wouldn't understand fear like that. He was a predator.
Knowing that this was just a lot of self-pity only made it worse. She hated that he was right, but what was she supposed to do? Create a coccoon and undergo a metamorphosis?
Tears welled in her brown eyes, but she roughly dragged a sleeve over her face.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2008 12:36:53 GMT -5
All of a sudden he was in front of her. The one good thing about being so thin was that he could move almost soundlessly with great speed. Although his eyes maintained the wolfishness stirring inside of him, they still flowed with human emotion. “Hey, don’t you remember what I said about catching you if you fall?”
Without thinking, without knowing or planning, Tobias grabbed her firmly by the shoulders, perhaps a little too roughly. With those large, square hands he pulled her into him and kissed her full on the mouth.
One of his hands found its way to the nape of her neck, and he held her head there. Then he released her and stepped two paces back. Heart racing, he searched her face for something other than sadness and anger. He exhaled. “Look…I,” words stuck on the tip of his tongue. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have….”
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Post by Tempest on Jun 13, 2008 13:11:08 GMT -5
Caroline's expression softened considerably right before she seemed to take a trip inside herself. Like she was asking permission from her psyche before taking another step. She came back to the real world and took a long look at Tobias before stepping close to him and gently placing a hand on his cheek.
"I want to believe you. You were there in the nick of time last time I fell... but that was then and this is now. How can a trust a half-wolf who sends mixed messages? You go after something, then you step away. You speak of one thing and do another."
Caroline kissed him on the cheek, then stepped back and spread her arms. "I need consistency now more than ever, Tobias. I need to know that if I'm what you want, you're going to stick around."
Caroline smiled hesitantly. "Can wolves do that? Or are you too wild? I can't blame you for your nature, Tobias, but I don't want to knowingly invite you in when your instincts would take you away again."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2008 13:22:06 GMT -5
Tobias swallowed, his Adam’s apple shifted heavily as he did so, and he kept searching her face. “At least let me be your friend.” He spoke his words softly, his accent covering up half of what he said, so he was practically inaudible. Tobias set his jaw, not sure of the question she had asked him.
Wolves mated for life, but he was only half. Could he stick to just one person? He wanted to. It was beyond the physical attraction when it came to Caroline, not that he didn’t want to lavish her right then and there (his hormones were stuck at 18 years old).
He scratched his stubble, and glanced into the sunlight as it peaked through the thick grey clouds, lost in thought. “I’m just…I’m scared. The last time, with Sam…you know how she, well anyway.” He tried to offer her a smile, but it came out as a lost pathetic smudge across his face. He let the corners of his lips fall. “What would you have me do?”
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Post by Tempest on Jun 13, 2008 13:41:58 GMT -5
Caroline saw the hesitation and heard the "let's be friends" (the "at least" had escaped her). This made her spirits sink even lower. It surprised her a little when Tobias admitted to being scared himself.
"I don't, but I can imagine," she replied, her manner guarded.
Then, when he asked her what she would have him do, she gave a wry chuckle and said quite honestly, "Why, Tobias, I'd have you for my own in a heartbeat! But if you need to ask, then it might be best that we take your suggestion and remain friends." She nodded, her expression suddenly serious and her eyes diverting from Tobias's face as she said mostly to herself, "That would have to be enough."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2008 23:07:42 GMT -5
Tobias’ heart felt like it had been whacked toward the lower part of his ribcage with a heavy blunt object when he heard her say those awful words. He knew it would most likely never work out again between them, but the funny thing about daydreams and fantasies is that they always have the small possibility of coming true. This daydream however had no chance of survival.
Maybe he should leave her alone and have her start a new life here. As beautiful as she was, she would find a man much stronger and better looking than Tobias. She would find someone who would take care of her. He lit another cigarette and bitterly thought ‘maybe if I still was in shape it would be easier for her to fall for me.’ Then he realized, red rising in his cheeks, that he had audibly mumbled half of that statement. Tobias shot his eyes to the ground, hoping that if he didn’t lock his glance into hers she would pretend she hadn’t heard him.
Maybe she hadn’t heard him. He shot a prayer to the patron saint of embarrassing moments with ex-girlfriends but was unsure if one actually existed. He sucked down his cigarette, cursing his addiction to that too and he was feeling more animal by the second.
"Today is not a good day for me," he said at last.
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Post by Tempest on Jun 13, 2008 23:28:39 GMT -5
Caroline raised an eyebrow at his mumbling, but didn't bother to ask him about it. There was half a chance that it would hurt her, and she was just sort of worn out now. Resigned. What really intrigued her was his blush soon after and his bashful lack of eye contact.
She frowned at his last statement and studied him for a minute. Her appraisal came to an end when she cast her eyes skywards to look at the azure glimmers of clear sky like tears in the grey motel blanket of cloud.
She murmured, "A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself..." Caroline forced an encouraging smile on her face as she said to Tobias, "Perhaps tomorrow will be better for you. I'm afraid I have to leave now. I have to go unpack. It's been... nice seeing you again, Tobias."
With that, she turned and headed in the direction of the school. From there, she would go to the town, where her new apartment was waiting. It was still unfurnished and all that, but Caroline wanted to establish that it was her home and stay her first night there.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2008 23:36:26 GMT -5
Tobias watched her leave then decided he needed to sit and take in the day with him. He had smirked at her comment about mad men talking to themselves but didn’t know rightly how to respond other than knowing that he must be mad, because he talked to himself plenty throughout the day.
He didn’t mind the wetness on the seat of his trousers, or the mud splashed up against his feet and ankles. He inhaled and exhaled and smoke, the same colour of pale grayish blue as the rain clouds, streamed out of him like a chimney and haloed around his shaggy head. “I could win her back,” he said thoughtfully. But would it be for the conquest or would it be because he really wanted her back by his side?
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