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Am I Crazy? I'm Out of My Tiny Mind
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Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo |
Siren
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Post by ebonynightmare on Jul 30, 2014 23:07:27 GMT -5
| Creators... This was an interesting concept. She knew that many people believed that they had religious creators. But he spoke in a sense that made it seem as if he had been born--rather, created, as the result of some sort of experiment, with nothing to do with religion or higher powers. She had previously only thought Gifteds were born--after all, she had spent her life surrounded by people whose parents all had gifts, people whose own gifts came from genetics. He confirmed that he did, in fact, have feeling in his blade-arm. That kind of defeated the purpose of having it as a weapon, didn't it? If every time you use the blade to deflect a blow, it still hurt you, you were better off just having a sword with you at all times.
At her second suggestion of confidentiality, he seemed extremely shocked. "I wasn't going to say anything about what you told me, but it's not good for me if people know what I can do," she explained. It was better for her if a minimal amount of people knew about what she could do, so they couldn't take advantage of it or shun her. A bad start at a new school where no one knew about her powers was the last thing she needed.
"I guess you could say it has to do with my powers..," she started, trying to figure out how to explain exactly what the 'significance' of the scar was. And just because she was willing to answer his questions, didn't mean she was going to spill everything. He didn't need to know that she'd killed two people. "To put it bluntly, it's significant of my... well, mental instability. But just like you jumped, not fell out of that window, it's self-inflicted." Zoe supposed that if he persisted enough, she would run out of ways to give part-answers to the questions. She amended, "I guess it's actually directly related to what I can do." |
( I DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT LOVE IS A WAITING GAME )
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Post by Redgrim on Aug 1, 2014 0:03:29 GMT -5
The woman, Zoe, attempted to justify the reasoning behind her reassessment of their oath to secrecy. So since it was her turn to speak up she felt it necessary to keep such information safe? Miller was the paranoid one and he didn’t even set up so many safe guards. Besides, he already admitted that what he said to her were things he wouldn’t want her to spread around to begin with, so why’d she have to go over it with him again? Seemed rather pointless, but he supposed he’d let it slide.
She preferred to speak in hints and vague explanations, a much less detailed tale to tell than his own and Miller felt it unfair that she gave away so little when he basically admitted to being a scientific experiment created to kill. While his left out a few key components, the woman didn’t even hint toward what she was able to do with her abilities. She asked to heal him earlier, but again that didn’t necessarily mean that she was a healer. She also admitted to being mentally unstable. His brow quirked oddly at this notion. The only other time he had heard this term was when it was referring to his own state of mind, whether it be by doctors and scientists or just other students that catch him speaking with himself. The woman in front of him did not give off any impression of mental issues, at least not ones as inherent as his own. If her issues weren’t so apparent then what was wrong with her? “Mental instability?” he quickly took a moment to compare and contrast the differences between their attire. His was a tattered, torn, and filthy forest green shirt that had gone unwashed in… months and black jeans that hid most of its stains due to their colouring. Her guise was much different, nice neat clothing with pure whites and in addition make-up didn’t seem to be an issue for her to apply. Perhaps her mental instability was different than his own. “You seem rather well put together for someone who pleads insanity.”
Miller wasn’t all that interested in wanting to dig through someone else’s reasoning for self-harm. It was a given that he would hear something back that he much rather wouldn’t. Would she even answer him if he pursued the subject to begin with? He didn’t answer why he had jumped out of the window why would she answer as to why she scarred herself? Then she mentioned what she could do again, though again didn’t really say what she could do. Miller was a fairly clueless person and wasn’t one who could easily follow a flow of words with a theme unless it was inherent danger toward him. “What is your ability? You’ve mentioned it quite a bit, but haven’t made it too obvious to what it is.”
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Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo |
Siren
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Post by ebonynightmare on Aug 1, 2014 0:53:07 GMT -5
| Miller seemed startled at her admittance of mental instability. Well, getting to a state where one would self-harm wasn't exactly a state of stability. It wasn't quite insanity, though. "Maybe it's more like emotional instability... stable people don't slice their arms open with scissors," she said, trying to elaborate and elucidate. It'd also been quite a difficult task, considering the scissors she'd had were not the sharpest.
As she had expected, he persisted about her ability. "You're not going to like what you hear," she said, as a warning.
With a sigh, she once more began to attempt to sew the words together into a sentence. "I have the power to heal people, if I recreate the pain on my own body. Let me demonstrate." She thought about the scrapes on his hand. Hopefully he had been telling the truth about them not hurting. Given all the pain she'd endured for using her power, she wasn't a big fan of the feeling, and its intensity had not faded over time.
There was no glow, or obvious sign that something had happened. However, she had felt the sensation of the scratch. It was like a basic awareness that it was there. Thankfully, he'd not been lying about the lack of pain. Zoe said, "Look at your hand."
This was the hard part. "As for the other part of my power... " she took a breath before continuing. "I can also create injuries on other people, if I do the same to myself. If I break your arm, my own must break as well. Neither of my powers work on myself, otherwise it would have been much easier to create this scar, and to erase it, as well." The wound tingled, as if in reminder.
"That's the part that caused this. I was... depressed and guilty about using it, and I guess this was the punishment I gave myself," the girl added, in a quieter tone than before. He would probably think she was a horrific, evil person, even if he knew about her life before coming here. She cringed, almost visibly, apprehensive of what his reaction would be. |
( I DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT LOVE IS A WAITING GAME )
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Post by Redgrim on Aug 6, 2014 20:40:29 GMT -5
While Miller wasn’t a person that was too associated with stable people, the girl’s words rang true. He still was unsure as to why she resorted to self-inflicted harm. Zoe gave the example of it being similar to his self-defenestration, but he did that out of fear and as a means of quick escape. In what situation would slicing open your own wrist be beneficial to that? Right, Zoe still didn’t know the reason behind his impromptu exit. Miller supposed she was never going to hear the answer to that one. He just needed to wait a few seconds to get a frame of reference for her self-harm.
Her next sentence though put him on edge. When speaking with Miller it was usually better not to warn him ahead of time about most things. Most of the time it caused a pre-emptive panic attack within his head while it counted the number of ways her statement would fare true. What she said though seemed somewhat gentle, while yes her power harmed herself it also healed the opposite person. All he could think about now was how the power could get worse, how it would live up to her initial warning. Did it in turn curse the healed person to die at some point later in the day? Would the wound return tenfold? Would it scar the woman forever like the one on her arm? Wait, she said that she did that with a pair of scissors herself that last one couldn’t be right. As he pondered about all the horrid things she could say next she asked him to look at his hand. In the moment she said this, another wave of panic splashed against his brain. Should he do as she commanded? He had to look at it, but he feared it to be distorted and mangled, but as his eyes cautiously shifted toward it he was struck with relief. Though as she saw the tiny mark mold onto her hand, his brows softened. “N-no, that is my burden. Even if it is small, it is mine to bear not yours” he answered nervously as he pointed to the scab that used to be on his hand.
Shortly after, Miller got his answer as to why the woman had resorted to self-inflicted harm. At first the notion that Zoe had passed by him regarding her power made him a bit paranoid to stand anywhere near her since she could basically wound him by mere thought, he was even backing up a bit and preparing to race off in the other direction, but his motions froze as she mentioned that her scar was a punishment for her past actions. Zoe was so bold as to punish herself for her sinful acts. His eyes honed back in on her. Even he hadn’t went that far, instead he repressed and denied he ever did anything wrong. While that was partially true he still wasn’t completely innocent within his own eyes. “You-you punished yourself for your sins?” Miller was a coward and he was fully aware of this fact. For whatever reason this woman seemed more so noble to him than merely the scum she expected him to think she was. He anxiously gripped his blade and rested it against his belly. “… You are far nobler than me. My blade has inflicted many sins, ones that have gone unjustified. I am impure.”
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Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo |
Siren
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Post by ebonynightmare on Aug 26, 2014 17:06:21 GMT -5
| Zoe was, to say the least, surprised that Miller seemed to be unhappy that she'd healed the scrapes for him. Most people would have just simply said 'thanks'. She shrugged, and said, "It wasn't hurting you, so it didn't hurt me." Plus, it was kind of a gift to be able to heal people for a change instead of hurting them.
When she explained her scar, his eyes were suddenly, intently trained on her again. The attention made her uneasy, and she shifted uncomfortably, casting her eyes downward. He probably thought she was some sort of freak. But perhaps 'punishment' had been the wrong word to describe her thoughts at that particular moment. She hadn't exactly been thinking clearly enough to punish herself; it'd been more of an outlet for her raging emotions at the time.
The girl was confused at his thought that she was, in any way, noble. How was self-harm noble? When she had first found out that people who were depressed often resorted to cutting themselves (she didn't remember exactly where she'd learned that) she had always thought of those people as cowards, as mentally weak people who took the easy way out--simply distracting themselves from the pain. For her, pain was such an... integral part of her life, of her power, that she had never thought she would succumb to such weakness. Now, though, Zoe understood that it wasn't really a choice. It wasn't something you could really control, or suppress.
Anyways, it wasn't like it wasn't by any means a sufficient punishment. "There is some ancient law... the Hammurabic code, if I remember correctly," said the girl, looking up, "that states 'an eye for an eye'. So it should also be 'a life for a life', not a scar on an arm." When she finished speaking, she looked down again, clamping her jaw shut, afraid that she'd said far too much. |
( I DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT LOVE IS A WAITING GAME )
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Post by Redgrim on Aug 29, 2014 15:01:49 GMT -5
Zoe’s reasoning for taking his wounds was fairly sound, but that didn’t mean it made him feel any more comfortable with her decision. While it neither benefited nor hindered either of them to have the tiny scabs and scrapes, Miller’s reckless actions were what caused them and to have the woman take them away so easily felt like cheating to him. “They weren’t hurting me, no, but injuries like scrapes and cuts are meant to remind and teach. They don’t hurt but they are supposed to remind you that you made the wrong decision and should correct it the next time it happens. You made no mistake, the scabs should be on my flesh” Miller explained as though it were a fact of life. To be fair though, his creators sort of imprinted such knowledge on him over the years that it was a fact of life to him.
The woman didn’t seem to accept his praise for her boldness to punish herself. Yes, it did seem strange for someone to look at something like self-harm as noble, but to Miller it seemed as though this person could accept that they had done something wrong and attempt to correct it. Miller did not have such boldness, he couldn’t admit to doing anything that was wrong and even when he did he still had doubts. Although, his actions and sins were debatable, which didn’t make anything easier on himself. Could one blame a samurai’s sword for assassinating a man and not the person wielding it? He himself never felt the intention to maim and murder, such thoughts were implanted into his brain by others. Did that make him any less guilty though? These were such thoughts that plagued his mind.
Miller’s mind wasn’t put at any more ease as Zoe placed another thought into his mind. He was fairly familiar with the saying ‘an eye for an eye’ though her definition made the phrase so much clearer. If this was where he needed to be in order to feel at ease he would have to give up more lives than he could spare. Given that he had finally gotten the freedom he wanted he wasn’t ready to give it up. “A life is not something to waste though. At what point after death would you ever feel just? There is no one law that can exalt all”
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Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo |
Siren
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Post by ebonynightmare on Sept 2, 2014 16:07:51 GMT -5
| Miller continued to protest her use of magic to heal his scrapes, so she offered, "Well, if you'd prefer, I can recreate them." While this suggestion might usually be seen as annoyance, with Zoe, it was merely wanting to satisfy other people's wishes. Which, honestly, was not one of her better traits, considering what it had led to.
The idea that she had been noble in 'punishing' herself was a new and inconceivable one. She didn't feel better for doing it, and she couldn't understand why others thought it would.
Hammurabi's Code had been a prominent thought in her mind since escaping from the horror that had been her life. Miller seemed to disagree with her reasoning, though, stating that a life was much more valuable than that.
"But what makes my own life more valuable than any other?" she said, almost desperately. If anything, her life was less valuable--or, at least, it should not have existed. The power to harm others was one that was much too powerful for any human to have, even considering the rebound effects it had on her.
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( I DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT LOVE IS A WAITING GAME )
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Post by Redgrim on Sept 2, 2014 23:16:57 GMT -5
Miller was eager to accept the woman’s offer of recreating the minor cuts back onto himself, but his mouth promptly shut the second he went to speak. He wasn’t the quickest of thinkers, but he was able to remember that the girl said she would have to recreate the injury on her own body in order to pass it on to Miller. He was uncertain if that meant that she would have to maim herself further in order to accomplish this or if she could pass it off with ease since the wounds were already on her body. Either way he was hesitant to take her offer despite the fact that he was thinking the opposite less than a couple of seconds ago. “… Never mind it’s not worth the struggle, I suppose. You don’t need more injuries…” he muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
‘We waste our time speaking with this woman, why do we continue chatting with her when there is someone defiling our territory’ the voice echoed in his head. ‘I am not challenging whatever is in my room, Zoe feels safe… safer. She seems too convincing to be a spy or someone who wants to hurt me’ he thought back to his second personality. ‘We’re not smart enough to detect spies, spies are smarter than us.’ Miller felt as though his other voice was speaking the truth, though actively ignored it. It only got worse when he egged himself on.
After Miller’s attempts at reasoning with her, Zoe immediately posed another question. He was not a philosophical genius, in fact Miller was hardly a genius when it came to just about anything, so he wasn’t the kind of person who could answer what the value of a human life was. Personally Miller tried to see everyone as equals, everyone should have the right to freedom and to live their life to its fullest, his second voice disagreed with him on that a lot of the time, but that was irrelevant. “Well… no life is less va-“ as Miller was about to express his opinion on the matter, his eye caught a dark figure moving around his bare window. It was a slow movement, but whoever it was didn’t linger long and he couldn’t catch any of their features. This slight scare was nearly enough to make him jump out of his own skin. In his state of startle he flinched backwards which caused his feet to become unstable. He leapt away from the view of his own window before he might accidentally trip on his own feet. He bulldozed through the bushes and hugged his back against the school wall. At least his eyes were relieved when returning to the shade of the building.
So this meant that there was someone waiting in his room. Who was it and why were they pursuing him. Given that he had seen his creator a couple weeks ago back when he was in court this did not make him any more at ease. This could be it right here, whoever was up there could be planning to tranquilize and put him back in his cage. In fact, that girl could still be their ally just there to distract him. A student paid a sum of money only to keep him from looking back at his room, she didn’t have to fake anything if that were the case. His eyes honed back onto Zoe, uncertain if he should say anything in the case that his theory was correct or the person above could hear him. “Are they still up there?” he whispered in a raspy voice. If Zoe were to look now instead of before she might just be confused by what’s going on.
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Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo |
Siren
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Post by ebonynightmare on Sept 26, 2014 18:33:36 GMT -5
| Zoe dipped her head in consent to Miller's negative response to her suggestion. She was glad; it wasn't like she had wanted to injure herself or another person. But since when had what she wanted mattered? Never, that's when. No one ever listened to her, no one ever cared, and no one ever even paid attention. Until, of course, they experienced first-hand her powers. But she had used her powers to get someone's attention only once--and that was when she had discovered them.
She questioned what exactly made her life more valuable than anyone else's. Why should she live, and not they? What made her life valuable at all? Miller began to say something in response, but he cut himself off. Immediately, Zoe followed his line of sight, up to the window he had jumped out of.
However, there was nothing there. The only motion was the flapping of the curtains in the wind. The male charged back toward the bushes, flattening himself against the wall and asking if there was anyone there,
Zoe frowned, looking up at the window again, just to double-check. "Not as far as I can see," she answered, voice unsure. Something had startled him, but she had no idea what. Who--or what--was he hiding from? Was it the same reason he had jumped out of the window from? She decided to give voice to her questions--Miller seemed to, unusually enough, be actually listening to what she was saying.
"Who are you hiding from?" she asked, half-expecting the question to be waved off.
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(YOU'RE GONE&I GOTTA STAY HIGH TO FORGET I'M MISSIN' YOU)
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Post by Redgrim on Sept 27, 2014 20:48:38 GMT -5
Miller cautiously detached himself from the wall as he heard the woman admit to there being no one at his window. Why was this person trying so hard to make him seem insane? Was there actually a person up there? Miller thought so, he saw the outline of a humanoid shape moving around his window, it wasn’t a perfect human shape, but it was enough to assume it was, but just in an odd pose or something. What if there wasn’t a person at all though? It was a possibility, in fact it was more possible than there being someone up there just wandering about his room. Still though, he’d rather seem like a lunatic than to have them find him and capture him.
The question of who he was trying to avoid rose once more and just like every other time he was hesitant to actually answer. A brief reminder popped into his mind, he could just run away right now. There was nothing stopping him from cutting all communication from this girl and retreat, besides the sun of course but that was to a lesser extent. He could still run blindly, it wouldn’t lead him anywhere but he could do it. Despite that though, he couldn’t abandon this woman, not now. He had already spent this much time here, he could sacrifice a bit more of his time.
Miller’s head shrunk like a turtle trying to retreat to its shell. He might as well come out with it at this point, the woman had shared her backstory slightly and he already explained his creation story. If she was a spy after all she would be well aware of this knowledge and adding a bit to it wouldn’t make much of a difference to her. “The ones who created me. They still search for me. They still want me to perform my birthright and sin. If I refute they take away my freedom.”
His large black eyes honed back onto Zoe. “I have not had freedom for a lot of time, but if it has taught me anything it is that only purchasables have value. Human life cannot have a value because that would mean that one would have to be greater than another. Life does not have a price tag nor can it be measured. I have seen vile, it is not you. I have seen some who would kill one hundred before putting as much consideration into one like you have. That is why you are noble.”
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Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo |
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Post by ebonynightmare on Nov 10, 2014 17:34:20 GMT -5
@miller notes: I'M SORRY GRIM
| When she once again asked about his pursuers, he shrank as if the mere thought of these people frightened him half to death. His answer was reluctant, but it was still an answer. Again, about his creators and whatever sin he'd committed earlier in life.
Abruptly, Miller's unnaturally large black eyes that suddenly and uncomfortably reminded her of a shark's eyes just before a feeding frenzy returned to examining her. Her efforts to keep composed were fruitless; she still squirmed slightly under his gaze. He was quite the intimidating figure--much taller than her, with beady eyes and a blade for an arm. His countenance, however, made her think that the scary exterior hid a not-so-scary interior. But most people only focused on the exterior and physical traits that might be useful to them.
He explained that in the short time he had been free, he had learned that human life could not be given a value, for it was invaluable. Miller also noted that she was noble because she felt guilt and thought about what she was doing,
Surprisingly, his words did help her feel a little better. Or was it surprising? No one could deny the 'benefits', so to speak, of conversing with someone who had been through a similar situation.
"By that reasoning.. You as well are noble," she said. "Realizing that it is a sin is the same as considering your actions, even if you are powerless to do anything."
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(YOU'RE GONE&I GOTTA STAY HIGH TO FORGET I'M MISSIN' YOU)
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Post by Redgrim on Dec 8, 2014 12:03:48 GMT -5
Miller shuttered once more, his eyes losing focus. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had gave him a legitimate compliment. Well, one that wasn’t tied to his excellent hunting and killing abilities. He supposed his constant self-depreciation had blinded him from his own opinions. She was right, everything he had been praising the girl for he also practiced. The ones who have controlled him were the ones who made him do such things, it wasn’t his fault. Debatably not his fault. So long as he remained uncaught, he couldn’t be used, so it was his responsibility to avoid capture at all costs.
‘She lies. We have killed, we’re not pure. She is not our Mistress, don’t listen to her. She is not accepting us, she is distracting us. No one will accept us but our Mistress’ the voice tried to continue to spew lies. Miller refused to try and argue with the voice at this point, it seemed as though it only made matters worse.
Miller glanced down at his metallic arm, the thoughts of the many souls he had pierced with the weapon still haunting him. Though, by his own words, the fact that their faces are still within his memory shows that he is still on some level of sanity. That doesn’t make him feel any better about ending their lives, but it does make him believe in the words told by Zoe. He’s not a monster, he is noble.
The beastly eyes of the man circle back around to the smaller female. His head still slightly shivers due to his nervous nature. “Yes… I believe you are right. I- uh, thank you for your support” he replied as he began to step forth from the shadows. He slowly approached the female, trying to close the fairly large gap between them. His twitchy hand began to sheepishly erect and splay itself out, offering the other person a handshake. Still not being very familiar with human interaction, he wasn’t sure if this was the certain case where this gesture would be used, but the other options didn’t seem appropriate to him. For example, a hug would be somewhat difficult considering the metal death trap on his other arm and a kiss would probably be too suggestive of a different emotion. A formal handshake seemed like a happy medium.
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I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart - I am, I am, I am. |
Thunder Goddess
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Post by Seren on Apr 29, 2015 12:34:21 GMT -5
OOC; Thread Retired, almost a year old and no response. Message me or Grim if you want it revived Ebony!
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