If I Lose Myself

As Chase threw the word she used to question him back at her she quickly realized the error of her statement. His continuation only amplified that feeling of stupidity as she began to blush in embarrassment and lower her head slightly. She used the wrong suffix, she wanted –ed not –ive and even then her inquiry wouldn’t have made a ton of sense. Hence another hint that English wasn’t her first language and neither did she have a good enough grasp on it to call it her second language. Chase would be twice as better if he knew Hindi that would sell him to her without question. Well, the whole were-beast thing would still be kind of dodgy, other than that though perfect package. She was thinking too much about this in a time of crisis.

The information he provided her with on her badly worded question wasn’t an awful trade off though. Perhaps there was a person inside of there after all. His answer gave her a slight prediction of how this boy ticked just by the certain words he decided to use in said response. The person she had been seeing and listening to all this time might not actually be Chase, but instead the shell that contained both the beast and his true self without letting either of them out. It was just a theory though, one she couldn’t quite do anything with at the moment and she could just be misreading him altogether. She did have a session of reading over a lot of neurology lately and she just had the mindscape for it at the moment to make such predictions.

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t um-look at yourself that way. The beast may be inside of you, but it is uh-not what defines you. There’s a person ah-encasing this thing. You are not the uh-host for the beast, the beast is an ah-infection feeding off of you. Maybe I like that person, maybe finding him more than ah-appealing. Maybe your vision of yourself is too um-narrow” she replied soothingly in low tones to see if that helped delay his transformation any. Technically her speech wasn’t one hundred percent accurate because frankly she found the boy to be as predictable as a plank of wood. The short bit of emotion he did show, that was the person she was more interested in. Sure it was all negative and angst ridden passion, but it was more than he had showed previously. Boring plain Chase made for suitable arm candy, whereas there was more potential with the one that showed some sort of sense of emotion.

He was beginning to throw caution her way, she was in the deep now. This could be her final push before the boy went full on beast mode. She wasn’t sure whether to pet him harder or softer. She went with her gut and chose gentler. She raised her hand by a couple inches and lightly swirl her hand around his hair. It was difficult to tell if it was doing anything for him, but it was all she could offer without fear of setting him off by attempting elsewhere. “You’d be in as much danger as I would, I’m staying until the last possible moment” she answered him lightly.

Perhaps there was yet something she could do, but given that Chase didn’t have the same faith as she did she wasn’t sure how effective it would be. She sealed her eyes in a calming manner and began to chant in low tones still.
“Om Namo Bhagavate
Maha Sudharshana
Vasudevaya Dhanvantaraye;
Amrutha Kalasa Hasthaaya
Sarva Bhaya Vinasaya
Sarva Roka Nivaranaya
Thri Lokya Pathaye
Thri Lokya Nithaye
Sri Maha Vishnu Swarupa
Sri Dhanvantri Swarupa
Sri Sri Sri
Aoushata Chakra Narayana Swaha.”

( WORDS ) 452 ( TAGGED ) @esha  ( MUSE ) here If Esha had been present in Chase's earlier years, perhaps he might've turned into a different person, because not even his mother dared to venture into this kind of personal territory with him. She kept her distance, even if it appeared that she was trying to help or get closer to him when it was nothing more than taking precautions to prevent a transformation. He felt another snarl slip past his clenched teeth as the thought permeated through his mind, though he was forced to shake it off as the young woman's soothing voice chimed in his ears. For some reason, he felt as though he was allowed a brief span of time that permitted actual emotions to enter into his tone and thought, and he could have an opinionated view on the situation. Chase watched Esha in slight surprise and bewilderment, before turning away slightly, an incredibly minute amount of color clinging to his cheeks, "Don't try to comfort me with lies, Esha, if that's what you're doing.. I... I hate the truth of reality just as much as you do, but that doesn't mean I can't handle it. I know what I am, and I've known that for nearly my entire life. There's no reason I can't comprehend it now." He spoke in a quick and hurried manner, as if he was trying to take advantage of this rare opportunity as long as it could last. He wasn't surprised at her refusal to leave, and despite wanting to urge her out to try and preserve her life, his far more selfish side prevented him from driving away the only source of comfort he'd known in years. The young man closed his eyes then, inhaling and exhaling shakily as his feet tapped restlessly against the ground. It was as though her words were providing a slightly eerie but pleasant song that could tempt his beast to at least back away from his barriers ever so slightly. Sure, it wasn't enough to lessen the entire severity of the situation, but it wasn't nearly as excruciating as it'd previously been. His eyes opened slowly as he watched her, and now they lacked the cold, detached emotion that he usually plastered to their depths, yet it was an unreadable emotion nonetheless. He wasn't sure how to feel about the young woman, especially since his bestial side was interfering with his natural thought process. Unable to deny his carnal desires, his eyes trailed down the bright colors of her sari and body very quickly, before reverting his gaze back to her face. Ordinarily, Chase would've been deterred from doing anything of the sort, but with this conflicting mindset, he wasn't in control of anything anymore. AM I DIFFERENT FROM THE REST

MADE BY VEL OF GS

Her mantra seemed to do very little, although anything to delay his transformation at least a second longer was sufficient enough for her. She knew the chant well since it was one of the many that her father used on her after her encounter with the puffer fish that nearly took her life. Esha just hoped for both of their sakes that it wouldn’t have the same side effects on Chase as it did on her. The last thing the boy needed was even more baggage.

Esha felt a tinge of rage as Chase straight up labeled her as a liar. True, she had lied to him in the past, but her previous statement held no falsehoods. She amplified her actual feelings about him, but they still weren’t lies. She let it slip though since expressing such extreme emotions at the current time was not well advised. His insistence on negativity also grinded her gears since it made comforting him all the more difficult. “Chase, stop it” she commanded rather sternly. “I’m not going to lie to you, but I’m not going to tell you what you are. You uh-might not even know that. All I’m going to say is if you’re nothing more than the beast within you then you wouldn’t have attracted the attention of anyone. You got mine. Your reality will only ever be within the limits of your beliefs, if you can’t believe in something it can’t happen. Sarala, or um-simple” she replied in a passionately plain tone. Her eyes honed in on his, but this time they didn’t offer simple beauty instead a rather seriously stern expression. She threw away her feelings for the boy for a short moment to try and connect with him on a different level, like she was some sort of therapist instead. Not exactly her preferred profession, but one she was somewhat close to due to her knowledge of the human brain.

The passing suggestion of trying another mantra on the boy swam through her mind, but she wasn’t sure of which to use. It wasn’t like she had a wealth of them committed to memory and the last one was one of the few she knew word for word at any given moment. She supposed she could strengthen it with another go, so she chanted once more repeating the words she used last time. The mantra of healing had to do something, if Vishnu could hear her that was. She feared his lack of faith might grant her attempts null.

( WORDS ) 708 ( TAGGED ) @esha  ( MUSE ) here Things certainly weren't going well for the young man, seeing that he wasn't even sure where to draw the lines between reality and a dreamlike state anymore. The pain and stress of the situation often brought this surreal state of mind in his body's subconscious effort to preserve its sanity, if there was any to begin with. However, had it not been for Esha's aggressive comeback, the message might not have been conveyed to Chase at all in his stressed and slightly aggravated state. The beast was the main reason for his anger, but some of it stemmed from his own, stifled past, and it had to be vented at some point, even if it wasn't directly aimed at the only girl who'd actually said a kind word or two about him as a whole. His eyes interlocked with hers as he listened to her words, seeming almost speechless at the reason and genuine emotions expressed through them. Was he really defining himself by his beast's tendencies? Based off of the behavior and life he'd led up until now, it seemed as if that was the only way to live without risking others' lives in the process. Nonetheless, he still contemplated a response after the only sounds pervading the air was his ragged breathing and occasional growl. He hated the thought that he would always be controlled by this.. Thing, yet was powerless to its urges. Even when he tried with all of his might to hold it back, it seemed as though when it truly came down to it, it overpowered his every whim. This wasn't a surprise, seeing the difference in strength when he was compared to a werebeast, but it irritated him all the same. "I.. Suppose it does," he began slowly, peering down onto the ground when he spoke. What else could he say? He winced as he felt a tendril of the monster attempt to submerge him into the horrors of a transformation, gritting his teeth as he curled his hands into the bed. He decided to voice his complaints, even with this growing animal inside of him, "I feel like I have no choice, but you're the only one who's ever suggested otherwise... Thank you." Chase fixated his optics upon the young woman again, yet as he did so, something changed within him. It was as if his human side had snapped momentarily, allowing another trickle of his bestial angle to seep its way into him. This was reflected prominently in the slight color change in his blue eyes, for it was tainted by streaks of yellow. He turned slowly towards her, with a darker yet unreadable emotion lingering in the depths of his irises. With gradual but utterly powerful movements, he reached forwards, curling his fingers around her wrists and pushing his whole body toward her, so that, despite any protests or objections, he was positioned on top of her while she laid on his bed. If he was under a normal mindset, he would've released her almost instantly, but he'd lost almost all control of himself as his rapidly changing eyes surveyed her oddly appealing features. The beast inside of him wanted nothing more than to claim a female for his own, as any animal would, and Chase was powerless to stop it. He craned down his head slightly towards hers so that their breaths were mingling less than an inch apart, and his carnal desire stirred within him like an uncontrollable wildfire, spreading to every inch of his body. Chase's grip on her wrists tightened ever so slightly, not to the point where it'd be incredibly painful, but enough so that he could have a better grasp upon them if she tried to pull away. His eyes scanned hers, as if his human side was attempting to break free and convey his apologies through this insignificant gesture, but was cut off as they closed, and, before he was fully aware of what he was doing, leaned down and pressed his lips against hers in a surprisingly passionate and slightly aggressive kiss. If this wasn't enough to set the young woman into shock, he raised up his arms on her wrists so that they hung a bit over her head. AM I DIFFERENT FROM THE REST

MADE BY VEL OF GS

Esha grew a small smile at the boy thanking her. It didn’t quite entail anything just yet, but her words could potentially change him for the better. Old habits tended to die hard though, so she wasn’t certain that he was at freedom with himself. He was still within the midst of transformation so it wasn’t time to celebrate their victory just yet. He didn’t seem to be getting any better with all her attempts, so she wasn’t sure of what else she could do. Perhaps another repeat of her chant may do the trick, but it hardly seemed to do anything already as it was.

As she began her mantra, however, the man began to display his dominance for whatever reason and threw her onto the bed while clenching at her wrists tightly. It immediately made her quit it and her full gaze was put onto the boy as he towered over her. She had no clue what was going on. He had always seemed so recluse and non-confrontational (when in his calm human form that was). It wasn’t until he closed the gap between their faces that she began to realise. Did she want this? Was this how normal relationships progress? From what she had observed not exactly, but he was showing off affection like she wanted. Too much affection too fast though and violently for that matter. When she said she wanted to see more of emotion driven Chase, this wasn’t exactly what she had in mind. She wanted to accept it since she was aiming for this all along, but as soon as he began to dig his lips into hers that’s when she broke. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to be openly flirtatious with an unselectively celibate teenager with inherent emotional problems.

As their skin touched and the beast pushed her hands away from her person her quills sprung up like there was a switch to activate them. They barely hesitated tearing through most of her clothing in order to pierce the aggressive boy’s skin. If he pulled back, he’d probably notice that a good majority of them dug in deep and stuck to his body. With how the human body tended to react to her quills penetrating them and given the shear amount that Chase took, his grip probably didn’t remain the strongest so she broke free of his custody. She quickly began to crawl down the length of the bed with her limbs scrambling in a panic. “Kya naraka, Chase!” she shouted as she began to cover herself up. As far as she knew it was all Chase’s doing since he made it seem like whenever the beast was in complete control he morphed into its appearance. “Don’t ever do that again!” Given the damage she’d done to him, she had a feeling that it was far too late to try and get anything through to him. Either way though, she didn’t care. He’d be lucky if she ever let him touch her again after that scare. It was about the only time she ever felt her powers were useful for anything. Her quills more importantly. With the current happenings she didn’t even care that they were exposed, they potentially saved her from a rude awakening she never wanted to experience.

( WORDS ) 554 ( TAGGED ) @esha  ( MUSE ) here Though the human side of Chase was expecting some sort of retaliation, he certainly hadn't thought that these spiky objects would've sprung out of Esha's body. All at once, the hardly-human young man reeled backwards with an inhuman cry that resembled both a shriek and a roar. His hands flew up to where the quills were digging into his flesh, and despite the fact that he was probably worsening the wounds, he attempted to wrench them out of his body, only to find pain lance through him like a malicious venom. Yet another cry of outrage escaped his unhinged jaw as he turned towards the wall and punched at it wildly, emitting roars and demonic screams from his rapidly changing body, as though that would alleviate his pain. Really, the beast just needed some sort of vent, and denting the wall seemed to be the most efficient way of doing so. At this point, it was obvious to see how much of the beast had surfaced within him, and he barely registered what else Esha had been saying. He was too far gone to even think about anything remotely reasonable with this amount of chaos, though his human side was only able to prevent the rage and agony from being released onto Esha. Suddenly, Chase's form crumpled onto the carpeted floor, stopping his barrage of sporadic hits, and the only movement visible from him was a slight quivering over his body. However, this brief moment of peace was halted by another ear-splitting roar from his lips as he lurched forwards, ripple after ripple of power surged through him at an alarming rate. His limbs bubbled and pulsated as they stretched forwards, earning a few more cries of agony from him, and his mouth then began to extend from his skull. Chase's whole figure shifted and stretched, seeming almost superhuman in how it was able to twist and bend. Thick, brown hair sprouted randomly in dense patches all over his body, followed by the increase in general size of him. By now, it would've been incredibly difficult for him to make any sounds even relatively close to human speech, since he was snarling and growling as any animal would. Once a few more waves of the transformation passed through his body, an anthromorphic, shaggy-maned lion with piercingly yellow eyes stood crouched over his shredded clothes. Slowly, he turned his head to face Esha, his lips curled into a ferocious snarl as saliva dripped between his jagged rows of teeth. The quills still seemed to have embedded themselves inside of him, but perhaps not as deeply now that he'd gotten so much larger, and he was able to ignore the pain to focus on the rage surrounding the young woman before him. A low growl rumbled deep within his chest as he turned, walking on all fours in a manner quite similar to a lion's proud and dominant gait, to approach Esha. All sense of caution and humanistic compassion had left his eyes, replaced with an icy predator's glare. His taut muscles knotted themselves into tight strands as he shifted his stance a bit, prepared to lunge forwards and eliminate the female that had brought him pain. If Esha was intent on leading a long and prosperous life, she wouldn't try to reason with him now. AM I DIFFERENT FROM THE REST

MADE BY VEL OF GS

The boy flung backwards with an equally unique and horrific cry fleeing from his mouth. She figured from the display he had been showing off that his transformation was inevitably coming soon. There was no weapon in sight for her to utilize and stabilize Chase before he transformed once again. She wasn’t quite fond of having to beat the boy over the head so many times regardless of his previous actions, but that didn’t matter too much since it wasn’t an option. As for her, she wasn’t granted much time to react as the boy’s bones began to bend and rearrange right in front of her. She was still recovering from the guy’s attempt at violent affection as well and frankly the motions were too fast for her to really react.

As his appearance began to take on more of a feline guise, she began to rise to her feet on the mattress since it was a better suited position than helplessly lying on the bed. As she tried to advance forward though, the lion-esque creature stood tall. So this was the creature that was built into his body. She wasn’t hoping to see it so soon and under uncontrolled circumstances. She assumed if she could actually read the beast’s power levels that it would be far beyond anything that would inspire hope in the situation. What was she going to do now? The thing was blocking her exit and she was definitely slower than it. She was slower than Chase while he was still human, she had many doubts that she wouldn’t be able to outpace this thing even without the restrictiveness of her sari. There had to be campus police ready for these types of occasions, right? It was hard to say that they’d be in the area before she was ripped to pieces.

Esha returned a gaze to the animal remembering that predators tended to act on any possible mistakes their prey may make. She wasn’t sure if acting tougher than him would either challenge the beast or scare him off, but odds were it wouldn’t work out in her favour. Her quills could be her only saving grace in this situation though. She quickly tore off her scarf and allowed her spiky spines free range. She flexed her quills as hard as she could causing them to stand perfectly perpendicular to her skin. “I’m no tasty meal, cat. Back off!” she stated loudly as she tried to improve her gaunt. If anything she was too frail and skinny to offer any sort of substance, so the beast probably didn’t have any intentions on eating her to begin with. Besides that, she reeked of neurotoxin; to the were-cat’s enhanced senses that is. She attempted to get as much distance away from Chase as possible, but he basically had her cornered. Her eyes were sharp on him, so she’d be ready for whatever he attempted to throw at her. If she was able to read his movements correctly she might still make her way out of this alive.

( WORDS ) 473 ( TAGGED ) @esha  ( MUSE ) here As the feline-like creature drew nearer to Esha, a plethora of foul scents washed over him in a tidal wave of force. He staggered backwards briefly at the awful neurotoxins polluted the air around him, and as if this would somehow get rid of the stench, the werecat fervently clawed at his nose. However, this proved to be more painful and uncomfortable than the original issue, eliciting a deafening roar from his throat as blood poured down his snout from the self-inflicted wounds. And yet, throughout this process, his blame still fell to the quill-poised female, or at least it continued to in this bestial state. The scarlet substance dripped slowly onto the ground as he crinkled his nose in distaste, swiping blindly at the air before him as though the smell could be physically shredded by this action. All the while, his piercing gaze never left Esha, for he'd attempt to advance forwards a couple of times, only to be sent backwards with the rank smell wafting up through his nostrils again. Chase was caught within a constant back-and-forth motion, continuously closing and widening the distance between his bulky form and the young woman before him.. If she could still be considered as such. Had he been in a rational and intellectual state of mind, he wouldn't have let the beast scar up his nose in such a manner, but he never seemed to learn his lesson. It was only after what seemed to be the umpteenth time of slicing up his nose and clawing madly into the air, the werebeast emitted a yowl of disapproval and confusion, retreating away from the prickly girl slowly. He eyed the quills warily as he returned to all fours, continuing to growl in a menacing manner while trying to remain dominant in his fleeing. After releasing a loud and agitated outcry, he leapt forwards, bounding out of the doorway and managing to leave a grisly pair of claw marks on the doorway as he charged forwards. His long, anthromorphic limbs stretched out to sink his claws into the soft carpeting and tear down the corridor, and despite his broad size, was capable of moving fairly quickly. The lion-like animal's jaws parted ever so slightly as he galloped, in a sense, and the students that had previously lingered in the hallways were sure to clear out once they caught sign of Chase. It wasn't as if he was seeking a fight anymore, surprisingly, it was more that his nostrils still burned from the toxic air he'd previously breathed, and it sent him on his own, inner rampage that really couldn't be vented upon the people around him. For now, dashing about would permit enough air into his system to help flush it out, and despite the frightened or surprised stares the werecat received, he remained undeterred. AM I DIFFERENT FROM THE REST

MADE BY VEL OF GS

Esha was close to panicking as the beast began to close the distance between them. Strangely enough though, the creature refused to get any closer to her. Every step it attempted sent it back another two, along with that it began to scratch at his nose to the point where it drew blood. Something was off and she knew that it wasn’t her defiant stance causing this. Perhaps her prayers were heard? It seemed to be an unlikely answer since her mantras were from healing and not protection, so it didn’t make much sense to her. That or Vishnu had other plans for her and wasn’t going to let her die just yet. The neurotoxins within her body wasn’t even a passing thought since that factor of her was in the far reaches of the back of her mind. It wasn’t a power that came in use very often nor did she mention it since it was so peculiar and never really impactful.

Chase’s other form eventually gave in on his pursuit and fled from the room without much warning. She wasn’t sure where he planned on retreating to or why he was doing it, but she didn’t question the relief at first. She sighed heavily and rested her back on the nearby wall. Esha’s quills began to return to a flaccid state slowly and she reached for her pocket. Given that there was still a raging lion stampeding around the school it wasn’t all safe just yet, so a quick call to the office should solve the issue. No doubt they’d have a way to wrangle him up and prevent as much damage as possible. Esha felt she was highly unqualified to deal with it herself, she might be able to repel him for whatever reason but that didn’t mean that she could subdue him permanently.

“A student is rampaging in the Emerald dorms, his name is Chase and he’s in an uncontrollable state! Get up here as fast as possible” she tried to sound as calm as possible, but her erratic panting butchered the effect. As she returned her cell phone to her pocket she sniffed herself. “Maiṁ burā gandha nahīṁ hai” she briefly commented before picking herself up. She shook her head to awaken her senses once more. I was hard for her to believe she was sound asleep only a couple of minutes ago. She kind of wished she still was.